Take me back to the scene of the crime

How does it feel to be back? That was what I kept hearing as I met people on my 6 week whirlwind tour of the states and what I keep hearing upon my re-entry to India. To be honest, I am not eloquent enough to describe the tornado of emotions that has lived inside me these past few months. It has been confusing, uplifting, disappointing, energizing, grounding, and deeply unnerving. Sounds difficult, doesn’t it? Yea… atleast it is over now.

I am back in Bangalore and have another chance to push myself in both a personal and work environment I am new to. To be honest, I was so worried about coming back. I felt so isolated before and realized how much I missed the comforts of my support network, the ease of knowing how things worked and the unspoken history of old friends. It scared me to come back. There were many things I knew I needed to change once I arrived, but it has been much easier than I expected. I am living with a friend (instead of the controlling roommate from before) in a new area of town and have already started belly dancing classes and even been invited to a party. All this, only 5 days into things. Not bad, eh?

I have tormented myself as I have thought about where home is for me. In reality, it is scattered across the globe. Although I have no home base and was concerned about this, I have many homes. San Francisco, North Carolina, Bangalore. Even the places where I have never lived but have enough friends to feel comfortable can be called home. I will have a home base soon enough, for now I just need to enjoy my time here. Not everyone gets 2 free tickets to India, a chance to explore the subcontinent, to understand the culture and my role within it. I plan to live it up these few months. No regrets, no looking back, and no compromises.

From a discussion this past weekend, “It is what it is. You are what you it. There are no mistakes.” Tom Robbins.